Halloween conversation

A room resembling a kitchen. Two women are sitting at a table while the third one is preparing a drink.

W1: So, what’s the deal with Halloween?

W2: What do you mean?

W1: Why does everybody makes such a great fuss about it?

W2: I guess it is because of the candy.

W3: Maybe it is because of the costumes. You know people love to believe they are someone else, a good mask can also help you hide your shame.

W2: That too, but the candy is more important… that and the mischief.

W3: Yeah, you know. You get either the free treat or you get a free pass to any misbehaviour you like.

W1: But I don’t like candy. It would be better if they give you salami and cheese… or a TV

W2: Who’s gonna give you a TV?

W1: I don’t know. Maybe if we go down some rich neighbourhood and threat them really bad they would give us something really worthy.

W3: Yeah, the one problem is that wouldn’t be Halloween. It would be blackmailing, and it is illegal.

W1: I wish I were a real witch.

W3: Well, you act like one.

W2: Not to mention you look like one too.

W1: What do you mean?

W2: I mean that you’re ‘charming’.

W1: Yeah, you better.

W2: Well, you could try and kidnap a child then put him in a marmite and prepare a delicious kid-stew.

W3: So did witches actually ate children?

W2: Yeah, and Santa ‘actually’ delivered presents every Christmas.

W3: Don’t be stupid. I mean that in the stories they did that?

W1: What else do you think they did with them?

W3: I dunno. It doesn’t sound very practical. If I would have been a witch, I would have put them to work for me. So I would have had more spare time to fly my broom, poison apples, enchant princes, and hang out with my witch-friends.

W2: Yeah, because that was what witches did. They gathered to booze themselves at some pub and then went to dance.

W3: Why not? It isn’t less believable than the fact they were cannibals.

W1: A witch wouldn’t go out to dance. They were ugly and mean. Nobody would ask them to dance because they would have been whether too scared or too disgusted.

W3: Oh my God you are so shallow!

W1: Me shallow?! You are the one who wants to violate children exploitation laws so you can go out to do frivolous stuff with your even more frivolous friends.

W2: I don’t think witches would enslave children… maybe in Asia.

W3: I wonder if there were any witches in Asia.

W1: Nah. They had ninjas. Ninjas and chopsticks.

W3: It would be difficult to eat a child with chopsticks.

W1: Well, you can grab its head by the nostrils and eat it like a candy apple.

W3: That’s gross.

W2: I like apple candy. Do you think we’ll get any?

W1: It is Halloween. If anything, we should get ‘candy pumpkin’.

W3: I don’t get all this fascination with pumpkin.

W1: Well, I don’t get all this fascination with Halloween.

W3: But, have you ever tried pumpkin? It ain’t that delicious either.

W1: I guess it is related to that headless dude. The one with the horse.

W2: That dude is creepy. I wonder if he had something going on with any witch.

W1: I don’t think so. It would be difficult to go out with him. Imagine if he wanted to kiss you? You would have to bend down, it would be ackward.

W3: Yeah, but I’m certain your girlfriends would be green with envy. How many boyfriends can take their heads off and throw flaming pumpkins against their enemies? That would be kind of cool

W2: He could throw flaming pumpkins?

W3: He did, in a movie.

W2: Oh yeah. The one with Johnny Depp.

W1: I would go out with that headless horseman if he looked like Johnny Depp.

W2: Maybe he wouldn’t go out with you.

W1: Why is that?

W2: Because you look like a witch, and you don’t believe in Halloween.

W3: Yeah… that’s a shame.


The End